With the recent death of football legend Gary Speed due to suicide,i thought i would share my story with my battle of this terrible illness that strikes so many down every year,and leave loved ones behind wondering WHY?
15 years ago i lost my father to an attempted suicide,he fully recovered but died a few days later from a D.V.T (deep vein thrombosis)due to been lay in a hospital bed for upto 5 days,stockings which are worn now in hospitals by such patients were not available in 1996.
As you can imagine as an 18 year old man left with a grieving mother and a distraught 14 year old sister the pressure was immense,but i took it on the chest and coped.
Eventually 6 months later i snaped,bubbling underneath was grief,a feeling so gut wrenching and heart breaking i couldn't take it anymore....i attemted to take my own life with an overdose of pills i scraped together from the kitchen cupboard.
The next thing i knew i woke up in a hospital ward surrounded by my close family and friends,apparently my alarm clock went off in my room and woke my mother up who then tried to wake me up,but couldn't,which is why i ended up in hospital.
I was refered to a councilor to talk about my feelings and my grief for my dad,but struggled to open up to a completete stranger,i never went back after my first session.
Four years later it was still there,the grief,the hurt,the pain i just learned to deal with it and came to terms that this was going to be a part of my life forever.
Until one night it felt like the whole world had come crashing down around me.In 5 hours i lost a job i loved and a my girlfriend at the time,the cork popped,in my mind all i wanted was to be with my dad.
I walked and walked thinking about how i could do it,2 hours later i was still walking and breaking my heart,it was then i realised i needed help,i found the nearest phone box and called the police and told them my location and that i felt i was a danger to myself and to others,within minutes they picked up me up and took me to the local hospital where i agreed to go the local pshycriatric unit.
The next morning i awoke in a strange in bed in an unfamiliar room with a strange young blonde lady stood at the bottom of my bed (every young mans dream lol)
I suddenly realised where i was,panicked got dressed and some how,dont ask me how left and went home.
unbeknown to me my EX-girlfiend had spoken to my family and told them what state i had left her in and they had been searching for me with worry.
When my mother found out i was home she dragged me back to the unit and was sectioned for 3 weeks.
The sights and stories i saw and heard made me realise what a fool i had been,i had been an idiot,i was just grieving a kind of depression but nothing these guys were going through,but at least we were all in the right place,getting help,getting better.
3 weeks passed and i was discharged on a course of antideppresents,and within time i began to feel a lot better and began to come to terms with my fathers death,and realised that the people that are here with me now need me more than the people that are no longer with us.
15 years later im married to my beautiful wife emma and am blessed with two amazing children lucie and alfie.
If i didnt have the courage to make that phone call that night which ended up with me in hospital i really dont think i would be here now,writing this blog trying to help and bring this awful illness to light and to give suffers the courage to tell the ones they love or a doctor or friend what they are going through and get help.
I made that leap of courage by myself but i know the pain and hurt depression brings,you can feel so ashamed of the way you feel but dont stand up get help and live,i did and i love my life.
My motto now is live life,love life.
Saturday, 3 December 2011
Monday, 28 November 2011
two lots of skyrim news
Some news on the patch for skyrim,full list of fixes for all platforms http://www.computerandvideogames.com/327696/skyrim-update-12-patch-notes-released/ and also an iphone and ipad app to help your journey in skyrim http://www.gamepro.com/article/news/225347/free-skyrim-map-app-dragon-shout-is-coming-soon/?utm_source=twitterfeed&utm_medium=twitter&utm_campaign=Feed%3
Saturday, 26 November 2011
The elder scrolls V:Skyrim Review
Bethesda hasn't shown the opening scene of Skyrim's anonymous prisoner at preview events and - if you've been sensible enough to stay away from YouTube in recent weeks - it's one you'll be glad you waited for. Likewise, in this review we'll promise to tread gently around the story of a world that is far too rich to be spoiled in words.
And what strikes you very early on in Skyrim is that the world itself is the story. As you work through the game, the discoveries and side quests that pepper the map become compelling explorations, and the world map that initially appears vast for vastness' sake simply comes alive. Focusing on the "main quest" becomes an exercise in futility - everything feels connected and worthy of its place in the world, even if only tangentially connected to the game's overall arc.
Skyrim province lies in the far north of The Elder Scrolls' fantasy world. It's a cold and mountainous region, struggling with its own civil war as it battles the external terrors of an ancient threat. As a Dragonborn, your character possesses both the soul of a dragon and the ability to speak their language in the form of powerful dragon shouts.
1/32 The scale and scope of Skyrim province is breath-taking.
PreviousNextView all ▸
At its heart, the story of Skyrim is one of sadness, uncertainty and the selfishness that often underpins the communal strive for the greater good of a revolution. You're clearly every inch the hero of the day, blessed with the potential for extraordinary power. But amongst the conflicting storylines, nothing seems guaranteed.
As Skyrim struggles for its independence, it comes as no surprise to discover that there are those more interested in first ensuring that their own interests ally with that of the inevitable new world order. There's the treachery of wizards, who can't help but meddle in the power of things they can't understand. Assumed enemies turn out to be as perplexed at world events as you and your comrades, and fragile alliances for a common interest develop.
The end result is to leave you feeling heroic, yet vulnerable to both the world around you and the fickle motivations of its inhabitants (while also compelled to see things through to the end). That's an extraordinary achievement in itself. Success by no means feels like a given and, to my mind, only Ico has truly captured that same sense of fearful and uncertain heroism before.
"The end result is to leave you feeling heroic, yet vulnerable to both the world around you and the fickle motivations of its inhabitants."
Composer Jeremy Soule's reliably outstanding handiwork adds an essential, subtle backdrop to Skyrim that contrasts with previous Elder Scrolls outings. The imperial pomp of Oblivion's music - while perfectly suited to the setting of that game - has been replaced by something far gentler and more fragile. It's an ethereal, pastoral fantasy score that's both stirring and sad.
Skyrim itself is a world of eternal winter, where foxes pad through the snow and the northern lights shimmer in the night sky. There's certainly no question that the misty mountain setting, complete will swirling fog and high-altitude snowstorms, has allowed Bethesda's technicians to pull off an extraordinary feat.
But, close up, Skyrim's textures may shock those expecting a generational leap from Oblivion - a game that stunned at release but whose un-modded visuals I believe live on more fondly in the mind than in the flesh. However, while Skyrim's trees have rough edges, its woods are unrivalled in fantasy.
1/8 The soundtrack is extraordinary. Haunting piano motifs conjure up a Narnia, rather than a winter wonderland.
PreviousNextView all ▸
This focus on grandeur over granularity is most evident in the city of Markath, with its leering architecture hewn from the solid rock of the mountains, where waterfalls spill around the buildings. In the courtyard of the College of Winterhold, an angelic statue, arms spread open, bathes in the snowstorms while blue arcane beams reach into the skies all around.
Despite the wintry Nordic theme, there are more subtle strokes that differentiate places from one another. Reaching High Hrothgar - where you're called to develop your dragon shouts by a booming chant of the Greybeards that resonates throughout the land - involves a culturally reverential ascent of a flight of 7000 stairs carved into the mountainside.
The more distinctive visual extremes of Skyrim are to be found underground, amongst the ruins and dungeons littered throughout this vast world. Some of these labyrinths are capable of absorbing an entire evening's play on their own as you fearfully explore amongst the crumbling, dusty ledges, the soft clitter-clatter of skeletal feet echoing around you before the inevitable assault begins.
"There's a tremendous sense of connection between caster and cadaver, and the effects themselves are breathtaking."
In arcane combat, there's a tangible, almost physical sense of feedback from the hiss of a furnace just before those jets of flames engulf your enemies. Thunder echoes quietly in the aftermath of the electrical storm that flows from your fingertips. There's a tremendous sense of connection between caster and cadaver, and the effects themselves are breathtaking. Throughout one evening in the game I stood in the mountains beside a peaceful village, gleefully working through my repertoire of magic tricks while the locals slept below (uneasily, no doubt).
The melee combat is less perfected, but has nevertheless been evolved. Those who specialise in it may not be left feeling quite as satisfied as those who prefer to dabble in the darker arts, but it's still a sweeter deal than the rote, block-and-retaliate combat of Oblivion. Enemies will circle and prod at your defences more effectively, displaying a little more intelligence when exploiting your weaknesses. A similar degree of refinement has been made to Bethesda's famously floaty third-person animations.
On the thorny issue of enemy scaling, you will certainly face insurmountable enemies in your travels - but with the trade-off that you will later destroy them with righteous firepower as you evolve your character. And of those fearsome creatures, the dragons themselves - whose souls are so essential to enhancing your dragon shouts - aren't the nuisance feared by some, instead acting as grandiose events that breathe further life into the world. You'll want to save the cities and people from their wrath.
1/3 There's an astonishing sense of loneliness as you travel across the world.
PreviousNextView all ▸
A process that would have been agonising in Oblivion becomes an open joy in the elegant design of Skyrim's interface. Bookmarked spells allow players to switch from bow to axe to healing powers with a flick of the d-pad as you adapt your combat to a dragon's path through skies and forests.
Skyrim's perks system is presented with equal beauty in the constellation star-signs of the various paths, from Alchemy to Destruction magic or even the deeper virtues of Lockpicking. Go deep into shock perks to unlock the disintegration of the nearly-dead, or invest in Enchanting to add more than one effect to your equipment.
For those who want to experience more of any RPG than their tolerance for stat-planning will usually allow, there's great satisfaction to be had in making use of every game mechanic in order to increase your overall level. But those who wish to specialise and truly master a particular play-style through carefully planned perks will still feel compelled to do so with multiple characters. And then there's crafting.
"Story opportunities present themselves not just from the chatter of villagers around you, but from the vignettes presented as you reach new locations."
Alvor the blacksmith, my new friend, boss and mentor, seems oblivious to the turmoil taking place outside of Riverwood. There's always a hard day's work to be done, after all, and you can't help feeling he'd like you to concentrate a little more on perfecting your crafting than your combat. Though the crafting system in Skyrim amounts to little more than providing the raw ingredients and setting the process in motion, it gives a greater sense of ownership to that new blade. It's a system that will bring no end of satisfaction to the hunter-gatherer who wants something more in return for their efforts in the feral tundra or the sky-high mountain mines.
While characters now embark on a more convincing daily schedule - Alvor himself moves purposefully from forge to grindstone at whatever pace matches the job at hand - they're also more believable by virtue of the brevity of their dialogue. The evolving stories of the people of Skyrim are articulated more succinctly, making for a deeper and richer engagement with the player. Subtitles are disabled by default, and however prone to skipping dialogue you may typically find yourself in a narrative-heavy RPG, I'd urge you to hold back from your instincts and enjoy the much improved voice-acting and exposition of Skyrim's character stories.
Story opportunities present themselves not just from the chatter of villagers around you, but from the vignettes presented as you reach new locations. Arriving in one town, you're presented with an execution scene. Warned that interfering with an execution-in-progress is a serious crime, you'll struggle to resist the temptation to cause havoc anyway. Should you give in to that temptation, the prisoner will attempt to escape and be brought down by the guards, before the wrath of the town descends upon you. You can't say you weren't warned.
More on The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Blog: Skyrim Timelapse: World in Motion
Digital Foundry's latest video epic.
Face-off: Face-Off: Skyrim
PC vs. PS3 vs. Xbox 360.
Blog: Texture problems hit Xbox 360 Skyrim
Don't install it to your hard drive.
During your work for the Thieves Guild, you'll be tasked with infiltrating a home that seems under the perpetual watch of the guard manning the city gates; picking the lock is impossible to do out of plain sight. At this point, you realise that the house can only be accessed in broad daylight and the theft conducted under the nose of a charitable man living in a city consumed by corruption and racketeering. You are a thief though, and you will take those few treasured possessions of the last good man in Riften while he tends to his fireplace. Won't you?
Amongst all of these interactions and branching quest-lines, at the forefront of many players' minds will be the bugs that have plagued some of Bethesda's epic titles. While I'd never recommend abandoning the RPG mantra of saving often, I will note that in my play-through to date, no quest objects have mysteriously vanished, and a wrong word at the wrong time has yet to leave a critical character with an unbreakable silent disposition towards me. For want of a key, I've not found myself trapped underground for all eternity.
In weaving together the extraordinary craftsmanship evident in the music, storytelling, adventure and world design of Skyrim, Bethesda has created a very special game indeed - one that's likely to remain in the affections of gamers for many years to come.
It evokes a word that's overused in reviewing of all kinds: one that's best kept in the cellar in a plainly marked box and reserved only for the most special of occasions. For Skyrim though, I'd like to blow the dust off it, open up the lid, and enjoy a masterpiece with you.
10 / 10
source eurogamer
And what strikes you very early on in Skyrim is that the world itself is the story. As you work through the game, the discoveries and side quests that pepper the map become compelling explorations, and the world map that initially appears vast for vastness' sake simply comes alive. Focusing on the "main quest" becomes an exercise in futility - everything feels connected and worthy of its place in the world, even if only tangentially connected to the game's overall arc.
Skyrim province lies in the far north of The Elder Scrolls' fantasy world. It's a cold and mountainous region, struggling with its own civil war as it battles the external terrors of an ancient threat. As a Dragonborn, your character possesses both the soul of a dragon and the ability to speak their language in the form of powerful dragon shouts.
1/32 The scale and scope of Skyrim province is breath-taking.
PreviousNextView all ▸
At its heart, the story of Skyrim is one of sadness, uncertainty and the selfishness that often underpins the communal strive for the greater good of a revolution. You're clearly every inch the hero of the day, blessed with the potential for extraordinary power. But amongst the conflicting storylines, nothing seems guaranteed.
As Skyrim struggles for its independence, it comes as no surprise to discover that there are those more interested in first ensuring that their own interests ally with that of the inevitable new world order. There's the treachery of wizards, who can't help but meddle in the power of things they can't understand. Assumed enemies turn out to be as perplexed at world events as you and your comrades, and fragile alliances for a common interest develop.
The end result is to leave you feeling heroic, yet vulnerable to both the world around you and the fickle motivations of its inhabitants (while also compelled to see things through to the end). That's an extraordinary achievement in itself. Success by no means feels like a given and, to my mind, only Ico has truly captured that same sense of fearful and uncertain heroism before.
"The end result is to leave you feeling heroic, yet vulnerable to both the world around you and the fickle motivations of its inhabitants."
Composer Jeremy Soule's reliably outstanding handiwork adds an essential, subtle backdrop to Skyrim that contrasts with previous Elder Scrolls outings. The imperial pomp of Oblivion's music - while perfectly suited to the setting of that game - has been replaced by something far gentler and more fragile. It's an ethereal, pastoral fantasy score that's both stirring and sad.
Skyrim itself is a world of eternal winter, where foxes pad through the snow and the northern lights shimmer in the night sky. There's certainly no question that the misty mountain setting, complete will swirling fog and high-altitude snowstorms, has allowed Bethesda's technicians to pull off an extraordinary feat.
But, close up, Skyrim's textures may shock those expecting a generational leap from Oblivion - a game that stunned at release but whose un-modded visuals I believe live on more fondly in the mind than in the flesh. However, while Skyrim's trees have rough edges, its woods are unrivalled in fantasy.
1/8 The soundtrack is extraordinary. Haunting piano motifs conjure up a Narnia, rather than a winter wonderland.
PreviousNextView all ▸
This focus on grandeur over granularity is most evident in the city of Markath, with its leering architecture hewn from the solid rock of the mountains, where waterfalls spill around the buildings. In the courtyard of the College of Winterhold, an angelic statue, arms spread open, bathes in the snowstorms while blue arcane beams reach into the skies all around.
Despite the wintry Nordic theme, there are more subtle strokes that differentiate places from one another. Reaching High Hrothgar - where you're called to develop your dragon shouts by a booming chant of the Greybeards that resonates throughout the land - involves a culturally reverential ascent of a flight of 7000 stairs carved into the mountainside.
The more distinctive visual extremes of Skyrim are to be found underground, amongst the ruins and dungeons littered throughout this vast world. Some of these labyrinths are capable of absorbing an entire evening's play on their own as you fearfully explore amongst the crumbling, dusty ledges, the soft clitter-clatter of skeletal feet echoing around you before the inevitable assault begins.
"There's a tremendous sense of connection between caster and cadaver, and the effects themselves are breathtaking."
In arcane combat, there's a tangible, almost physical sense of feedback from the hiss of a furnace just before those jets of flames engulf your enemies. Thunder echoes quietly in the aftermath of the electrical storm that flows from your fingertips. There's a tremendous sense of connection between caster and cadaver, and the effects themselves are breathtaking. Throughout one evening in the game I stood in the mountains beside a peaceful village, gleefully working through my repertoire of magic tricks while the locals slept below (uneasily, no doubt).
The melee combat is less perfected, but has nevertheless been evolved. Those who specialise in it may not be left feeling quite as satisfied as those who prefer to dabble in the darker arts, but it's still a sweeter deal than the rote, block-and-retaliate combat of Oblivion. Enemies will circle and prod at your defences more effectively, displaying a little more intelligence when exploiting your weaknesses. A similar degree of refinement has been made to Bethesda's famously floaty third-person animations.
On the thorny issue of enemy scaling, you will certainly face insurmountable enemies in your travels - but with the trade-off that you will later destroy them with righteous firepower as you evolve your character. And of those fearsome creatures, the dragons themselves - whose souls are so essential to enhancing your dragon shouts - aren't the nuisance feared by some, instead acting as grandiose events that breathe further life into the world. You'll want to save the cities and people from their wrath.
1/3 There's an astonishing sense of loneliness as you travel across the world.
PreviousNextView all ▸
A process that would have been agonising in Oblivion becomes an open joy in the elegant design of Skyrim's interface. Bookmarked spells allow players to switch from bow to axe to healing powers with a flick of the d-pad as you adapt your combat to a dragon's path through skies and forests.
Skyrim's perks system is presented with equal beauty in the constellation star-signs of the various paths, from Alchemy to Destruction magic or even the deeper virtues of Lockpicking. Go deep into shock perks to unlock the disintegration of the nearly-dead, or invest in Enchanting to add more than one effect to your equipment.
For those who want to experience more of any RPG than their tolerance for stat-planning will usually allow, there's great satisfaction to be had in making use of every game mechanic in order to increase your overall level. But those who wish to specialise and truly master a particular play-style through carefully planned perks will still feel compelled to do so with multiple characters. And then there's crafting.
"Story opportunities present themselves not just from the chatter of villagers around you, but from the vignettes presented as you reach new locations."
Alvor the blacksmith, my new friend, boss and mentor, seems oblivious to the turmoil taking place outside of Riverwood. There's always a hard day's work to be done, after all, and you can't help feeling he'd like you to concentrate a little more on perfecting your crafting than your combat. Though the crafting system in Skyrim amounts to little more than providing the raw ingredients and setting the process in motion, it gives a greater sense of ownership to that new blade. It's a system that will bring no end of satisfaction to the hunter-gatherer who wants something more in return for their efforts in the feral tundra or the sky-high mountain mines.
While characters now embark on a more convincing daily schedule - Alvor himself moves purposefully from forge to grindstone at whatever pace matches the job at hand - they're also more believable by virtue of the brevity of their dialogue. The evolving stories of the people of Skyrim are articulated more succinctly, making for a deeper and richer engagement with the player. Subtitles are disabled by default, and however prone to skipping dialogue you may typically find yourself in a narrative-heavy RPG, I'd urge you to hold back from your instincts and enjoy the much improved voice-acting and exposition of Skyrim's character stories.
Story opportunities present themselves not just from the chatter of villagers around you, but from the vignettes presented as you reach new locations. Arriving in one town, you're presented with an execution scene. Warned that interfering with an execution-in-progress is a serious crime, you'll struggle to resist the temptation to cause havoc anyway. Should you give in to that temptation, the prisoner will attempt to escape and be brought down by the guards, before the wrath of the town descends upon you. You can't say you weren't warned.
More on The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Blog: Skyrim Timelapse: World in Motion
Digital Foundry's latest video epic.
Face-off: Face-Off: Skyrim
PC vs. PS3 vs. Xbox 360.
Blog: Texture problems hit Xbox 360 Skyrim
Don't install it to your hard drive.
During your work for the Thieves Guild, you'll be tasked with infiltrating a home that seems under the perpetual watch of the guard manning the city gates; picking the lock is impossible to do out of plain sight. At this point, you realise that the house can only be accessed in broad daylight and the theft conducted under the nose of a charitable man living in a city consumed by corruption and racketeering. You are a thief though, and you will take those few treasured possessions of the last good man in Riften while he tends to his fireplace. Won't you?
Amongst all of these interactions and branching quest-lines, at the forefront of many players' minds will be the bugs that have plagued some of Bethesda's epic titles. While I'd never recommend abandoning the RPG mantra of saving often, I will note that in my play-through to date, no quest objects have mysteriously vanished, and a wrong word at the wrong time has yet to leave a critical character with an unbreakable silent disposition towards me. For want of a key, I've not found myself trapped underground for all eternity.
In weaving together the extraordinary craftsmanship evident in the music, storytelling, adventure and world design of Skyrim, Bethesda has created a very special game indeed - one that's likely to remain in the affections of gamers for many years to come.
It evokes a word that's overused in reviewing of all kinds: one that's best kept in the cellar in a plainly marked box and reserved only for the most special of occasions. For Skyrim though, I'd like to blow the dust off it, open up the lid, and enjoy a masterpiece with you.
10 / 10
source eurogamer
Petition to ban skyrim?good luck with that!
A concerned US citizen has petitioned The White House to destroy all copies of Bethesda's acclaimed RPG The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim and prosecute anyone caught playing it.
As reported by Kotaku, one B Stephenson of Tennessee submitted the following list of demands to The White House's We The People site:
We petition the Obama administration to: Immediately Ban the Deadly Videogame Known as 'SkyRim' for The Safety of America's Youths.
"Whereas videogaming has proven to cause social, ethical and health problems in people of all ages,
"Whereas sexual perversion and homosexuality are threatening to destroy the Christian foundations on which this nation was built,
"Whereas a new video game has just been created that far exceeds any others in the psychological and spiritual damage it does to teens,
"We, the American people, today ask you,
To enact an immediate ban on the videogame known as 'SkyRim' produced by Blizzard Entertainment.
To seize and destroy all copies already in public hands and erase its presence on the internet.
To prosecute the players of 'SkyRim' to the fullest extent of the law.
To create a national database of videogame avatars and 'screen names' so that teenagers can be better monitored."
Any petition that manages to attract more than 25,000 signatures from the American public within 30 days of publication will garner an official response from the administration.
The Skyrim petition currently boasts ten.
source:eurogamer
As reported by Kotaku, one B Stephenson of Tennessee submitted the following list of demands to The White House's We The People site:
We petition the Obama administration to: Immediately Ban the Deadly Videogame Known as 'SkyRim' for The Safety of America's Youths.
"Whereas videogaming has proven to cause social, ethical and health problems in people of all ages,
"Whereas sexual perversion and homosexuality are threatening to destroy the Christian foundations on which this nation was built,
"Whereas a new video game has just been created that far exceeds any others in the psychological and spiritual damage it does to teens,
"We, the American people, today ask you,
To enact an immediate ban on the videogame known as 'SkyRim' produced by Blizzard Entertainment.
To seize and destroy all copies already in public hands and erase its presence on the internet.
To prosecute the players of 'SkyRim' to the fullest extent of the law.
To create a national database of videogame avatars and 'screen names' so that teenagers can be better monitored."
Any petition that manages to attract more than 25,000 signatures from the American public within 30 days of publication will garner an official response from the administration.
The Skyrim petition currently boasts ten.
source:eurogamer
Friday, 25 November 2011
Mario kart 3DS rocks
British gaming publication CVG has awarded Mario Kart 7 a whopping 9.4/10 and have stated that it’s the Mario Galaxy of the Mario Kart franchise. Eurogamer have also reviewed Mario Kart 7 and have awarded it 8/10 stating that it’s a handheld technical marvel. Mario Kart 7 is released December 2nd in Europe and December 4th in the United States.
Thursday, 24 November 2011
kirby's toss ?
IGN has posted what it deems to be the five most disappointing games of 2011. Surprisingly Kirby’s Returns to Dreamland features on this list despite gaining overall praise from critics and receiving an average review score of 82 on Metacritic. Do you think Kirby’s Return To Dreamland was one of the biggest gaming disappointments of 2011?
Need help in skyrim?
Need any help in skyrim finding that elusive book or spell or even an ingredient,give me a shout and im sure i can help you out!
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